A final birth story…

We welcomed our third child in November 2021! We call her “baby sister” and every once in a while by her name, Audrey.

Natural childbirth is a powerful experience. I am proud and humbled at the same time to have experienced it three times. With that being said, I also feel a sense of relief that I don’t have to do it again. It’s physically and emotionally exhausting and I’m happy to say our family is complete.

The support team…

Have you ever had someone in your life that you feel you were destined to meet? Daphney is that person for us. She was our nurse for our first child’s birth and retired shortly after. She then returned as our doula for our second AND third birth. This beautiful soul helped all of my babies come into this world. My only regret is not thinking to get a photo of her with my first born at birth.

Daphney & Audrey

My husband, Darren. Going through childbirth with him makes me realize how good of a team we are. He’s all-in with my natural birth choices and I couldn’t imagine a more perfect partner.

The details…

At 38 weeks & 3 days pregnant we had a kid-free weekend planned to get some things finished around the house to prepare for baby sister’s arrival (like the nursery!). That Thursday night I lost my mucus plug in the middle of the night and felt crampy when I got back in bed. The next morning I took the boys to swim lessons and felt a couple of mild contractions. I had a feeling baby sister was not planning on letting us have a kid-free weekend! My mom came to get our two boys (4.5 & 2 years old) as planned on Friday afternoon and I let her know about my early labor signs.

I started timing my contractions Friday evening and they were closer than I thought, about 5-8 minutes apart. I would classify them as mild contractions but I still had to stop and breathe through them. Darren and I ordered in sushi (vegetable sushi for me, of course) and I took a shower while Darren started packing the car. I had been texting with my doula, Daphney, to keep her up to date and she encouraged me to try to fully fall asleep between contractions since they were mild. I got in bed at 8:00pm and slept for about 20 minutes at a time all through the night. We left for the hospital the next morning (Saturday) at around 9:00am and I was admitted at 3cm dilated.

Once we got to the labor room, I got in the tub and enjoyed riding out my contractions in the warm water and talking with Daphney and Darren. My water had not broken yet and my contractions were still mild to moderate on the pain scale. Once I got out, I moved around from sitting on the bed to laying to standing. As my contractions got more intense, I stood and hugged Darren around the neck while rocking back and forth (“the labor dance”) and that was my favorite position for a while. I found lots of comfort in just holding Darren’s hand through my contractions when we weren’t “dancing.”

By that afternoon, I was so tired from not sleeping well the night before that I really wanted to go to sleep. I even told Darren that getting and epidural and going to sleep until it was time to push was sounding really nice. But he didn’t even entertain the idea since he knew that’s not really what I wanted.

Taking a break after a contraction (photo by Daphney)

I had a few bouts of nausea (usually after a contraction was over) and agreed take medication to help. It seemed to work at first but as my labor progressed it was like I hadn’t even taken medication.

At some point around 5:30-6:00pm I consulted with the OB on call and asked if having my water broken would speed things up. She said yes, broke my water, and immediately my contractions were more intense and painful. I sat on the bed for most of them and was nauseous a few more times (the vomiting and riding a contraction at the same time was my least favorite). Next, I laid on my left side and held Darren’s hand through the contractions. I suddenly felt the urge to push and while pushing I hugged Darren around the neck and let out a guttural scream. After one push I could feel her head and said “Is that her head? Pull her out!” With the next contraction I pushed and she was all the way out. I was exhausted and just laid there while Darren said “don’t put your leg down, she’s laying on the bed.” When she came out the cord was wrapped around her neck and body and Darren later said the doctor was “unwrapping her” and once the cord was long enough to give her to me they put her on my chest. The nurse warned me that she had some bruising since she came out so fast and that she was fine and it would go away quickly. Her eyelids and forehead were a purplish color when I first saw her and I feel it was due to her head being halfway out in between contractions. The nurse then did her evaluation of baby on my chest and Darren cut the cord after it stopped pulsing.

(Photo by Daphney)

Once she was on my chest and I got settled more comfortably on the bed, I looked at Darren and he looked very worried and emotional. He later told me that it was really hard seeing me in pain and I scared him with the screaming. Then she came out with the cord wrapped around her neck and he said time stood still. But she started crying and the doctor and nurses were all calm so that helped.

Daphney said that the fact that my water stayed in tact for most of my labor was a good thing that she was in the fluid with the cord loose around her neck. If it had broken earlier it could have gotten tight (and possibly caused distress that hopefully would have been picked up by the intermittent fetal monitoring).

In the next hour they took her measurements, weighed her and Darren held her for the first time. Once we got to our room Darren mentioned how crazy, emotional, and intense it is then just a few short hours later we’re sitting in a room relaxing with a new baby as if all of the screaming and contractions were a distant memory.

Born at 6:41pm. This photo taken at 11:08pm.

Labor did feel different this time. With my last two I felt the urge to push with every contraction from pretty early on. Maybe that was because my water had broken and it hadn’t this time? Looking back I should have warned someone that I felt the urge to push since she came out in 2 pushes! The urge came on so quickly that I didn’t think to alert anyone.

I was also a little scared this time. With my first I was scared of the unknown; with my second I had a false sense of confidence because I had done it before. Then my second labor was so different than my first that I was back to being afraid of the unknown for my third. I don’t know if I was afraid of the pain or that something was wrong with the baby (like a cord around the neck, perhaps) but either way, I was emotional.

The yoga…

Our lack of. I made it to ONE prenatal yoga class this pregnancy. I struggled with prioritizing time for myself with 2 small children. We also moved into a new house and I focused on unpacking roughly a gajillion boxes. However, I enjoy decorating and turning our new house into a home so while not yoga, it was good for my soul.

The yoga-ish things I did make time for: a lot of deep breathing before bed each night and poses that could be done in my PJ’s in the bed. Hero’s pose is my favorite pregnancy pose. There’s something about the way it stretches my knees and ankles after being on my feet all day that just hits the spot!

Life as a family of FIVE…

Since the boys couldn’t visit us in the hospital (Covid precautions) they didn’t meet baby sister in person until we got home (although we did have some really cute FaceTime chats). They have both exceeded our expectations in their big brother roles. With Walker having just turned two, I was worried that he wouldn’t understand a baby being in my arms all the time but he has adjusted very well and loves his “baby sisser.”

Big brother love

I ended up with mastitis at 10 days postpartum and it was miserable. Thankfully, my mom was off work and was able to help me while Darren went back to work. With the stress of sickness and having three small kids, I wasn’t eating and drinking enough and my milk supply took a big hit. I didn’t realize it until Audrey started losing weight which was very scary. I had an in-home lactation consult with an IBCLC and she gave me a plan to triple feed and power pump (along with supplements and lots of quality high-calorie snacks and electrolyte drinks). Following her plan was hard work but it worked and Audrey was above birth weight in a weeks time. We are still working hard on our breastfeeding goals but I feel like I can see the light.

Our little family of 5 (Ann Wade Photography)

We are so grateful for our amazing friends and family that have really stepped up to help us with the boys, dinner, and even giving me their frozen breastmilk to get Audrey & I through my supply dip. I know we won’t have small children forever and we’re trying to enjoy the small moments around the chaos. Having high quality friends & family definitely helps ease that chaos and we don’t know what we’d do without you (you know who you are and we love you BIG).

Love & baby snuggles,

Beau’s birth story: A birth story…

Walker’s birth story: Another birth story…

BLACK LIVES MATTER…

In the year 2000 I was a teenager in high school. If you would have told me that in the year 2020 racism would be alive and thriving I would have said, “no way.” Why? Because it’s not alive now, right? Wrong.

What I didn’t realize is that my white privilege kept me from seeing life the same way my black peers saw it. We didn’t talk about it but if we did would I have understood? At 17 years old the sad truth is no, I wouldn’t have understood at all.

All my life my privilege has let me view the world through very distorted rosy glasses. I have never had to fear going on a walk in my neighborhood or fear being labeled while walking through the mall with my friends. As an adult I have never had to fear for my life while exercising or simply writing a check at a grocery store. In fact, I’m pretty sure that I have been smiled at and praised in those very situations.

My sister-in-law is a woman of color. She owns a local business here in Birmingham, Alabama and is loved by many but has encountered racism many times since moving here. She and my brother were having dinner one night and they were so burdened by a white mans hatred of their mixed race marriage that they asked for their food to be boxed and they left. That was in 2017. I am ashamed to say that I thought this was a rare occurrence. She has since enlightened me and tells me when she encounters racism to help keep me accountable. We have also had some very real talks about the fact that if they were to have children their innocent little ones would most definitely encounter racism growing up here in Alabama. A racism that my two boys will never see unless I point it out to them.

With all the worries mothers have, worrying that my boys could be judged or harmed because of the color of their skin is not one of them. It is my job to educate them on anti-racism NOW. I will raise them to see and talk about the injustices their black friends are facing. I will raise them to stand up for their friends no matter their race, religion, sexuality, or country of origin. I will raise them to step in when they see an unjust act and use their whiteness to help their fellow black friends. I will lead by example.

31 children’s books that talk about anti-racism: https://www.embracerace.org/resources/26-childrens-books-to-support-conversations-on-race-racism-resistance

“We have to remember that for millions of Americans, being treated differently on account of race is tragically, painfully, maddeningly ‘normal’ — whether it’s while dealing with the health care system, or interacting with the criminal justice system, or jogging down the street, or just watching birds in a park.

This shouldn’t be ‘normal’ in 2020 America. It can’t be ‘normal.’ If we want our children to grow up in a nation that lives up to its highest ideals, we can and must be better.”

President Barack Obama

It is not enough to be offended by cultural slang or to be a silent ally anymore. Now is the time to scream from the rooftops that our black peers deserve to live without fear. We have even more work to do here in the Deep South. We must band together to protect our friends of color. We MUST be very loud and use our whiteness to stand up for their basic human rights.

My dear POC friends, I’m sorry it has taken me so long to see your struggles. I am here now with my eyes wide open. I see you. I hear you. I stand with you.

Say it with me now. Black lives matter.

The Yoga of Motherhood…

Parenting in today’s world is hard. I know people say this all the time, but it has recently hit me pretty hard. I have an almost-3-year-old and 3-month-old baby. The hard part: living up to social-media mom standards.

Screen time? Taboo. Formula feed? Breast is best. Breastfeed in public? Judgmental stares. Elective C-section? Not the way nature intended it. Natural birth? Show off.

Y’all… we can’t win.

Let’s take a moment to lift each other up. Be truthful when you speak to your friends about your family. Ask for advice. Be a good listener. Start to let go of that judgement on yourself and others.

Ahimsa… the yoga of motherhood

Ahimsa in yoga is non-violence or non-harming. Non-violence towards ourselves and others helps us to clear our minds of toxic thought patterns and allow positivity to flow in.

The first of the Yamas is Ahimsa, or non-violence. Non-violence towards others and ourselves, and a consideration for all living things.

Meditation…

Meditation is a great way to practice ahimsa. Meditation has been proven to assist us in ending the patterns in our lives that we keep repeating over and over. Negative self-talk, blaming others for things that go wrong in our lives, and of course judging ourselves and others are all things that can become amplified as we sit in meditation. Through meditation we learn to identify and observe these thoughts then gently let them go.

I am committing myself to meditating for at least 2 minutes a day even if it means meditating with a baby strapped to me because it’s the only way he will nap (practicing ahimsa towards myself here). I’m starting with 2 minutes and working my way up to 30 minutes to 1 hour and being okay with the 2 minute days mixed in between.

Loving kindness meditation…

A loving kindness or metta-meditation helps us to redirect those negative thoughts towards ourselves and others and replace them with positive thoughts.

To do this meditation first repeat these phrases towards yourself, then direct them towards someone you have a positive relationship with, then to a neutral party, next to someone with whom you have a challenging relationship, then finally to all beings everywhere.

Find a comfortable position to sit in and close your eyes. Start by noticing your breath. Don’t change it, just notice; is it deep or shallow? Slowly start to deepen your breath. Inhale: fill your belly, ribs, then chest. Exhale: chest goes down, then ribs, then belly. Take about 3 rounds of deep breaths then allow your breathing to become relaxed and easy. Move your Minds-Eye from the breath to your body and perform a scan of the body, from the head to your toes, letting go of holding, effort and judgement. Repeat the following phrases in your head several times in a gentle way. Allow your mind to rest on the statements.

Loving Kindness to Yourself: May I be happy. May I be healthy. May I be free from pain and suffering.

Loving Kindness Towards Someone who has had a Positive Influence in your Life, then a neutral party, then towards a challenging person: May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you be free from pain and suffering.

Loving Kindness Towards all Beings: May all beings be happy. May all beings be healthy. May all beings be free from pain and suffering.

Notice as you perform this metta-meditation over time if your natural thought patterns start to shift from negative to positive. Negativity and judgmental thoughts won’t just *poof* go away, but you may start to see loving thoughts edging in. Also, try practicing ahimsa as you scroll through your social media pages. Non-judgment on your peers, non-judgement on yourself. When you find yourself judging or comparing simply think, “May you/I be happy, healthy and free from pain and suffering.” Changing how your mind navigates the world (and the internet) is very important to living with ahimsa.

Peace & love,